Lately I’ve weathered more than my share of “How-the-Hell-Did-I-End-Up-Here” days where I’m wracking my brains trying to figure out where I fucked up and when, then dwelling on stuff I wish I had done differently. The should’ves, could’ves, and would’ves have been proverbial thorns in my ass like you wouldn’t believe. I haven’t even thought about this blog in a long while because I’ve been busy struggling to survive–and eat well while doing it. I’m sure all my writer peeps can feel me.
I recently took a part-time job working at home as an operator for a medical answering service. It’s stressful, but what job isn’t? I’d love to write around my work schedule, but it takes time to get clients who pay a few hundred per assignment instead of a few dollars. I will have to get another part-time job, most likely outside of the home. I’ve made peace with the likelihood that I may lose my car soon. It’s heartbreaking, but on the bright side, it’s one less bill I’ll have to worry about. I’ll have more money to pay off my credit card debts, and perhaps I can start saving money again. I can always get another car when my finances improve.
I’ve come to a fork-in-the-road on my writing journey, and I’m not sure how writing fits into my life anymore. I suppose I should be grateful I stumbled onto content writing as a way to earn some income, but I wish I never jumped onto the Demand Studios, Textbroker, Break Studios and Bright Hub bandwagon. I wish I never bought into the mentality–at least for a short while–that writing for a few dollars per article could be profitable if I could “crank out” three or four of them in a hour. I wish I hadn’t been foolish enough to try it and then feel like a failure when I couldn’t.
I wish I’d just gone out and gotten a part- or full-time B&M job and used my free time to study up on writing good query letters and approach clients who don’t post on work-at-home sites or sites like Elance or Odesk. I would’ve enjoyed writing without worrying about writing enough to pay the bills or hoping and praying that a client will pay as promised. Don’t even get me started on the latter. I’ll just say that if you’re reading this and you drag your feet when paying your writers or don’t pay them at all, you truly deserve nothing less than the best that Hell has to offer.
Writing solely to pay the bills sucked my creativity and drained my passion for writing. It’s time to step away and regroup. Working two part-time jobs will leave me less time for writing, but the time I spend writing will be enjoyable again–as writing should be.